As the Earth of 2020 continues to revolve in a puzzling singularity, three of the world's most powerful men have harnessed their collective capabilities for nuclear and musical power into a quest for world peace.
Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Kim Jong Un are certainly uncommon names when discussing potential supergroups, but in keeping on the surreal path of the ever-distorting world, they were destined to come together.
"I was really being tough. There's maybe no one tougher than me - everyone knows it - and it was shocking, just hugely shocking, when we would go back and forth on what we wanted our music to be like, that we fell in love," Donald said, reminiscing on initial conversations with Kim. "When I heard him play the drums for the first time, I said, Now here's a tremendous drummer. My hands are above-average sized, I assure you, and can reach many frets on the guitar. I need complementary talent on the drums. Kim is that talent, and we have a fantastic chemistry."
The groundwork for several songs emerged from a single session, with cabinet members who heard the demos remarking that after listening they felt immediately more centered and ready to navigate the world. Donald and Kim's efficiency spoke volumes to the value of utilizing a musical platform in place of a political one. With their productivity and momentum, they sought out the missing piece to their harmonious plan.
Knowing the candidate needed to match both their undisputed authority and prodigious musicality, it came as no surprise they tapped Vladimir Putin for bass duties. "We had candid and meaningful talks with Putin on how to unite our three great nations as a means to unite the world. We determined that a band was the correct path of virtue," stated Kim, rubbing a [REDACTED BY NORTH KOREAN GOVERNMENT]. "His bass playing reminds me of the way Jordan played ball: delightfully selfish, uncompromising in his greatness."
When asked about joining the group's audacious goal of peace through music, Vladimir said, "Everything will probably never be good for people, but we have to try. I believe in the power of music. Do you see my heart?" Vladimir was shirtless, on one of his majestic white horses, tapping a finger to his chest. "I play from here."
Our world has seen more than enough conflict. If there's a chance at unity, if there's a chance to turn gnarly riffage into a better society, then it's a chance that must be taken. These three leaders are no strangers to stopping at nothing to get what they want - and they want peace.
To achieve their goal, they've laid down a tremendously strong foundation. Donald, using the very same guitar that was left behind by an evicted family in one of his father's housing complexes back in the 70s, plays metallic fusion lines over a tight rhythm section: the ballot-ripping bass of Vladimir, the [REDACTED] beats of Kim. With flourishes of 80's synthwave and Latin-inspired classical guitar, the saving of the world is as musically and emotionally satisfying as it is pure fun.
The group's first release, A Clear and Present Rager, was recorded in Denver, Colorado by Dave Otero at Flatline Audio. "Frankly, a lot of power trio recordings are just pathetic. We thought about records we all liked sonically and kept coming back to Cattle Decapitation, so it was terrific that Dave had us all out to beautiful Colorado to golf and record," stated Donald.
The debut EP is set for an October release just before the United States presidential elections, a timely moment to catalyze a bold and conscientious path towards world peace. The unknown future rolls toward us, but we face it, for the first time, with a sense of hope. If these three men, these world leaders of differing views and morals, can learn the value of a peaceful existence on Earth through music, maybe we can too.